Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
