I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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