I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
is it fun? or sober?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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