I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
