Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
