Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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