I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
