Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
