I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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