Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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