dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
