her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
