He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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