the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
