we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
