She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
