If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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