I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
