Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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