If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
