What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
