yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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