I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
