my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
