youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
