i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
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