Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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