ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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