i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
