sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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