So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
