her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
3 2 1 whiskey
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
