I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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