non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
