i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I CAN MOONWALK!
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
