woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
