You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
bring money and cleavage
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
