Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
