absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
