you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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