Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
