Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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