I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
