Pants 0. Shit 1.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Randomize
