It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
