Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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