i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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