Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
