the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
