I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
