Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
