I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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