My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
