this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
did i walk over a car last night?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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