maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
